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The following quotes mached your search:

From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Guy: And Jan I'm afraid you've earned a day in the chamber of fire for tattling on your brother.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: See that's the worst we got, is, ah, Jemima witnesses

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Return the device woman! Lois: No toys Stewie. Stewie: Very well then, mark my words, when you least expect it, your upards will come!

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Who touched the thermostat? Meg: God, how does he always know? Peter: Brain implant Meg, every fathers got one, tell ya when the children are messing with the dial. Guy: Hey Peter my thing went off your thermostat okay? Peter: Yeah it's alright.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Brian: Hey Peter it's 7:00 and you've still got your pant on. What's the occasion?

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Meg: I can't believe you'd put your family before your own daughter! Brian: She's a whiny little runt isn't she?... I said runt.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: Meg finish your pancakes, Chris, elbows off your father. Peter: Thanks son. Lois: 37 beers, well you're setting a great example for the kids.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Mr. Weed: Peter, are you sleeping on the job? Peter: No there's a bug in my eye and i'm trying to suffocate him.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Mr. Weed: Your negligence has damaged this company's reputation. You're fired! Peter: Ah geeze, for how long?

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: You know Peter, lips are one thing but did you have to buy breast implants for Chris? Peter: Ah it makes him happy.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: I know what I did was wrong but I only did it for you and the kids. Except for that jukebox in the bathroom, that was a gift for Peter.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Brian: How was your shower? Peter: Ugh, I tell ya Brian all the rumors about dropping the soap are true Brian: Really? Peter: Oh yeah you can't hold on to that thing to save your life, slipping all over the place guys were laughing.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Judge: Mr. Griffin, don't you think you should have alerted the government to such a gross over-payment? Peter: Well uh, I was gonna call em but uh, my favorite episode of Different Strokes was on.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Brian: Woah, assahoy.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Come on you guys, I'm going to buy us the most expensive meal we've ever had. Yeah, I�u20acu2122d like 6000 chicken fajitas please. Teller: I beg your pardon? Peter: Uh 6000 chicken fajitas Brian: And a sausage chicken McBiscuit please.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		John: The air is electric here at Superbowl XXXIII tonight! Pat, I think it's safe to say that all these fans came out here to watch a game of football! Pat: Uh John, we're in commercial. John: Yeah I know I'm just making conversation... come on... FOOTBALL!

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Guy: You call these bagels? Seller: Woah! I'm glad he's on our side! I've been working on the new G.I. Jew line, and as you can see they look great.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: A hangover is natures way of telling you I was right.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Chris: What does it mean when your armpits cry stinky tears? Lois: Oh, it means you're becoming a man.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: Stewie, why don't you play in the other room? Stewie: Why don't you burn in hell!

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Judge: I'm sentencing you to 24 months in prison Family: Oh no! Kool-Aid Guy: Oh yeah!

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Oh God, it feels like there's accountants cranking add-machines in my head. Paul: Dick, you ever wonder what's outside those walls? Dick: Say now, that's dangerous thinking Paul, you best stick to your work.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Woah, is that really the blood of Christ? Priest: Yes... Peter: Man, that guy must have been wasted 24 hours a day huh?

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: I didn't have gas for this first time 'till I was 30... ::farts:: ... what the hell was that?

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Now kids daddy only drank so the statue of liberty would take her clothes off.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: I don't want your mom to worry alright? When she worries she says things like 'I told you so' and 'stop doing that i'm asleep.'

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: I got it, that's the guy from big. Tom Hanks, that's it, ah, funny guy Tom Hanks. Tom: I have AIDS. Peter: HAHAHA!

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Quagmire: Hey who wants to play drink the beer? Peter: Right here Quagmire: You win! Peter: Alright, what do I win? Quagmire: Another beer! Peter: Oh I'm going for the high score Quagmire: Well actually Charlie has the high score. Charlie: Hey man, your clock won't flush.

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Mark my words, when you least expect it, your uppance will come!

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Victory is mine!

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Damn you vile women! You've impeded my work since they day I escaped from your wretched womb!

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: You know mother, life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get. Your life however is more like a BOX OF GRENADES! Now, I offer you one last chance for deliverance. Return my mind-control device, or be destroyed! Lois: Oh, you just want your toy back. OK, here you go honey. Stewie: Yes, well, victory is mine!

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From Episode:		Death has a Shaddow
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Well well mother, we meet again! Lois: Stewie I thought I tucked you in an hour ago Stewie: Not tightly enough it seems, and now I will end your oppressive reign of matriarchal tyranny! Lois: Oh you can play with your toys tomorrow honey, right now it's bed time Stewie: Oh blast you and your estrogenical treachery!

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Put me through to the pentagon! Phone: Do you know what sound the cow makes? Stewie: Don't toy with me Ernie I've already dispatched with Mr. Hooper, I've got 6 armed men stationed outside big birds nest. And as for Linda, well it's rather difficult for a deaf women to hear an assassin approach now isn't it?

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: For God sake I'm already shooting at a 5th grade level.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Who the hell do you think you are? Lois: Honey it's not going to go away just because you don't like it Stewie: Well then, my goal becomes clear.. The broccoli must die!

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: I'm teaching a piano lesson in half an hour... maybe your father can take you. Peter: Ahh sorry Meg daddy loves you but daddy also loves star trek.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: Why don't you spend some time with your family? Peter: I will I'm just gonna do it during commercials.. and if that's wrong well then, then maybe I'm missing the point of having commercials

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: You always want to be aware with other cars on the road.. and if you ever catch eyes with the guy next to ya at a red light, you gotta race him.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Well you forgot to flick him off, but other than that nice job.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Tom: Course no one can see this news program so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Chris.. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets.. how about you Diane? Diane: Well Tom I just plain don't like black people.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: What? Meg: Oh it's okay.. If i take the blame he's going to buy me a convertible when I get my license. Peter: Uh Meg it's not exactly taking the blame if you go around telling everyone.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Chris: Dad I was in a chat room on American Online and Doobie22 told me some idiot knocked out the cable.. we could be without TV for weeks!

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Teacher: Well, class, we were schedules to watch a PBS program on the mating rituals of the nude large-breasted wee wok tribe of New Guinea.. unfortunately Meg Griffin ruined TV.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Brian: Lois has her knitting, Chris has his video games, Meg's learning how to drive.. and me.. I like the sauce. Hey barkeep, who's leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: We have to find your father Chris, he's not well. Chris: I never knew anyone who went crazy before, except my invisible friend Kernel Spotch.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: And now we can see the world for what it is! A beautiful place full of wonderful things just waiting to be experienced. Peter: Ah jeeze another chick flick.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: You should spend sometime with our kids Peter, and with me. Peter: Well what could me and you do together? Lois: heheh.. Peter: LOIS! You've got a sick mind!

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Lois, you've got a sick mind! Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love. Peter: Ohh, I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Isn't it a gorgeous day Mr. Sun? Sun: It's always a nice day with two scoops of raisens Peter.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Meg: Ugh, I'm so tired. This mornings fly fishing really wore me out. Chris: Well wake up, you promised you'd get this hook out of my mouth.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Meg: Daddy, I'm sorry I ran you over and killed Mr. Shattner. Peter: Ah don't worry honey, as soon as I get out of this body cast I'm gonna do enough livin' for me and bill.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Meg: Daddy.. now that I finally passed my drivers test can I get a convertible? Peter: Haha no. But I'm proud of you for getting your license sweetheart.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Brian: Hey barkeep, who's leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Brian: Don't move. Stewie: [Weird noises] AH!... a little help?

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Chief: Alright men, this is a dangerous mission and it's likely one of us will be killed. The landing party will consist of myself, Mr. Spok, Dr. McCoy, and Ensign Rickey. Guy: Ah crap.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		TV: What would you do for a Klondike bar? Would you stand on one leg? Guy: Sure! TV: Would you act like a money? Guy: Uh-huh! TV: Would you.. kill a man? Guy: Um, uh well... [shoots a man]

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: You should spend some time with our kids Peter, and with me. Peter: Well what can you and me do together? Lois: [Giggles] Peter: LOIS! You've got a sick mind! Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love. Peter: Oh, I thought you wanted to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: Stewie, I expect you to finish off your vegetables. Stewie: Oh rest assured you relentless...I shall finish them all off, and you as well.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Meg: Oh, my life is over, I'm the biggest loser I know. Peter: Oh I know just how you feel pumpkin I've had my share of disappointments too. Doctor: It's a girl! Peter: Can you check again?

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Meg don't believe what they're saying, I always keep my eyes on the road I don't miss a thing. Announcer: We now return to Star Trek. Peter: Holy crap! Uhura's black?

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: Peter, you're bribing your daughter with a car? Peter: Come on, Lois, isn't bribe just another word for love?

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Let's play a little game called taking the fall for Daddy... if you win, I'll buy you a convertible when you get your license. Meg: Really? Oh daddy, now I love you again! Peter: Aww, you're going to make some Jewish guy a great wife.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Forecast for tomorrow? A few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom!

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Stop mocking me!

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Who the hell do you think you are?

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		News Reporter: Those Chinese sure do like to spit, don't they? Tom: Well Diane, that last report was so good I think you deserve a spanking! Diane: Oh Tom I don't think your wife would appreciate that. Tom: Diane, that frigid old cow lives in Quahog, she can't here a word I'm saying. News Worker: Actually, we're back on the air in Quahog.

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From Episode:		I Never Met the Dead Man
From Season:		1
Quote:		Tom: Because of an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company all television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time... of course no one can see this news program so it doesn't really matter what we say... I'm the Lord Jesus Christ... I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. What about you Diane? Diane: Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people News Worker: You guys, we're still on in Boston.

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Jennifer: Meg you seem so sad; today is a happy day! Meg: I know it's just that... I really like that guy over there but he doesn't even know I exist! He must think I'm a total dog! Jennifer: Oh that is so not true Meg: Then what is it? Jennifer: He's a Eunuch. Meg: Really? Jennifer: Sure! All the guys here have been castrated; it's cool! Guy 1: Hey do you think that girl's hot? Guy 2: No! Guy 1: Me neither!

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: A professional? There's treachery afoot!

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter Well don't keep me in suspense how did you do? Meg: I'll give you a hint, I S-U-C-K-E-D - SUCKED! SUCKED! Peter: Yay!

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Listen Meg you're a one of a kind girl with a mind of her own - now see that's what people hate. Meg: Really?

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Girl 1: Bay, it sure is great being thin and popular. Girl 2: Let's go throw up. Girls 1, 2, 3: Hey, sure, cool, good idea! Meg: Hey I love throwing up! Girls 1, 2, 3: Hahaha..

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: I understand we're getting quite a terrific bargain here. Guy: Oh absolutely! The children get to play our games, and if they win enough tickets they get a prize. Timmy: I have 13 tickets now, is that enough? Guy: Oh sorry Timmy, but you need 15 tickets to live.

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Guy: They also get food, cake, and your choice of ice cream flavors.. vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, or people. Peter: What was that last one? Guy: Chocolate..

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Brian: Well Peter you've only got a couple of hours left... if you're going to pull a party out of your ass you might want to stand up.

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Jennifer: Meg you didn't tell me your mother was just like Martha Stuart! Meg: Oh, no, one you get to know me I'm really very nice.

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Brian: Well Peter you've only got a couple of hours left... If you're going to pull a party out of your ass you might want to stand up.

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Cult Leader: My children rejoice the hour of transformation is close at hand! Who are you? Jennifer: This is Meg oh wise one, can she come with us? Cult Leader: Perhaps...

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Cult Leader: Oh for the love of god, haven't any of you been in a cult before? Damnit! I can't achieve transcendence by myself, that would just make me some kind of little nut!

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Timmy: I have 13 tickets now, is that enough? Man: Oh sorry Timmy but you need 15 tickets to live.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Police: We have a gang shooting on 3rd and main, 3 wounded 1 dead. Brian: Is it me or is RAP music just getting lazier?

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Brian: Gosh I'd like to help you Peter, but uh, I have to out in the hall and chew on the back of my ass for about 5 minutes.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: I know you can't understand what I'm going through Lois, like all the stuff that makes you happy, you know like cooking and cleaning, it's right here in the house just waiting for you.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Hahah, Lois loves her family, Lois loves her family, Lois and her family sitting in a tree.. see now Lois the guys would have found that hilarious.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Not silicone, silicon! The design of the device is quite ingenious if I do say so myself, Misty!

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: I've broken my pencil! Misty: I have a barney pen in my purse.. Stewie: You are spectacular!

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Care to betaken one of your oh-so-exhilarating games of peek-a-boo? Lois: Oh my God my baby is drunk! Peter: No I'm not! Oh him, oh yeah yeah he's a real lightweight

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Brian: [Panting] Women: Pervert. Brian: oh, oh don't flatter yourself honey I don't have any sweat glands.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Announcer: this show contains adult content and is brought to you by the letter H. Bert: Ah, hello? Son of a bitch, I'm on my way. Some poor bastard got his head blow off down by a place called Hoopers. Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much Burt. Bert: Well Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the damn bed! Ernie: Bert, you're shouting again Bert.

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Face it Brian, I'm a bad father, a lousy husband, and a snappy dresser.

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? A little service here!

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: As the kind say, I only hope my heart filled thanks will keep your warm as you spend the next ten years in FROZEN CARBONITE!

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: The only way you'll get me to talk is through slow, painful torture, and I don't think you've got the grapes.

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewardess: Well hey there little boy, are you lost? Stewie: Now listen to me, Jolene, I've got an army to raise and I must get to Nicaragua. I require a window seat and an in-flight happy meal - and no pickles! oh God help you if I find pickles!

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Chris: Hey birthday dude, you want some ice cream? Stewie: yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Damn you, you're one of them aren't you! What are they paying you? I'll double it... money! Women! Men?

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From Episode:		Chitty Chitty Death Bang
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: The party couldn't be any better if Jesus himself showed up. Jesus: OK everybody, for my next miracle, I�u20acu2122m going to turn water into funk!

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Don't worry Brian I've got a plan. Brian: oh good, I was afraid you were just going to improvise. Peter: Oh, well actually I was going to use the little girl as a shield and run like hell, but uh, improvise, that'll be easier on my back.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Cleveland: Oh look at the time, I promised Loretta I was going to trim the hedges and be tender with her.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Guy: Hey you want a piece of gum? Guy 1: Oh, thanks. Guy: HAHA, that was joke gum! Guy 1: What do you mean? Guy: Now you're addicted to heroin. Guy 1: Haha... I'm cold.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Joe: You must be Peter. Joe Swanson. Peter: Yeah yeah nice to meet you Phil, you know you got a neighbor on the other side of your house too, so don't think you always have to bug me. Joe: Hah hah, I'll keep that in mind... say do you have a screwdriver I can borrow? Peter: Man you neighbors are like viruses, it starts with the screw driver and before you know it you're using my supermarket, my dry cleaning, and even my post man. Jeeze can you believe that guy? Do you have a screwdriver I can borrow? What an ass.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Bonnie: The movers tracked grease all over my carpet, I tried everything to get the stain out. Lois: What about lemon juice? Bonnie: oh, what about club soda? Stewie: What about shutting the hell up!

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: Peter they might be very nice people Peter: Very nice people, yeah that�u20acu2122s what they always say, then you open up the septic tank and BAM! Skeleton city.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: Bye bye Stewie, mommy will be upstairs to kiss you goodnight. Stewie: Burn in hell!

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: Lullaby, and goodnight. Stewie: Oh enough! The only thing worse than the wretched pain in my mouth is the excrement spewing from yours.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Guy: Wow Lois Griffin, hey I love your act. Nice melons. Peter: Hey listen pal Lois: Peter, I�u20acu2122m holding melons. Guy: And her hooters ain�u20acu2122t bad either! Peter: Now hang on a second there! Lois: Peter, I�u20acu2122m holding hooters. Peter: Oh, sorry. Guy: Heh, no problem........... your wife's hot.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Meg: I can't believe my dad is in there. This will probably scar me for the rest of my life. I got a new dress. Worker: Try talking about him Meg: So uh do you, like music? Kevin: Oh yeah I played guitar in a band before we moved but it interfered with my studies. What do you listen to? Meg: Uh, you first... Kevin: I'm into Garbage, Phish, Blur... my parents don't like me listing to that stuff but I do anyway because I AM NOT A ROBOT! I also like Radiohead...

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Meg: Mom what do you do when you like a boy but he doesn't even notice you? Chris: Meg loves Kevin! Meg: Shut up you big sack of dog vomit. Lois: Meg, you're a sweet lovely girl. He'll come around. Meg: Ugh, such a mom answer. Lois: Well have you tried showing off the goods? How's that for a mom answer? Meg: Creepy..

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: If you guys were beers, I would drink every one of you... and I wish you were, because we're out.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Boo Lois, yay beer!

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Holy crip he's a crapple!

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Hey give me back my sock you goat bastard!

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: I guess being a hero isn't always about saving lives and catching bad guys... it's also being there for the people you love. Lady: help, someone just stole my purse! Peter: Who cares, I don't even know you.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Ah boy I feel just like Tim Allen... I build stuff and I have a criminal record.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Man what am I going to do if I get fired? I'll have to go back to my old job as a Calvin Klein model? Model 1: I don't want to be just like everyone else... Model 2: But I don't want to be different Model 1: I just want to be... Peter: What was the name of the bad guy from Tron? Man this is going to drive me nuts.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Jeeze first he takes my friends then he takes my job... and the way I wear my hat... no no, he can't take that away from me.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Ah my house arrest is over Brian, round up the guys, now that I'm a free man we can do anything we want! Brian: Oh uh Peter, there's only one thing the guys want to do and that�u20acu2122s augle your wife... I tell ya, if Lois were my women I�u20acu2122d keep an eye on her... then again, I'm the jealous type.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: All the stuff that makes you happy, you know like cooking and cleaning, it's right here in the house just waiting for you... you are one lucky... Brian: Uh uh, stop, now.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Quagmire: Hey Peter! Peter: Quagmire, what are you doing here? Quagmire: Heh you know, soccer moms... heh heh, alright.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Quagmire: Now that's a woman... that�u20acu2122s a house, that�u20acu2122s a fish, that�u20acu2122s a bee

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: He stole my blueprints... what a beach of security! Damn, what to do... wait for it... wait for it... YES! Instead of moving time forward to bypass this wretched teething, it may just be possible to reverse time heavy flow, and undo ever drawing those damn blueprints!

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: I'm free, free from the spell of those diabolical teletubbies! Thank you, when the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: I will not stand idly by while you abrogate my plans... you shall rue this day! Well go on, start ruing!

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Ah my teeth! Tooth 1: I'm free, free! I claim this mouth in the name of Insizor. Tooth 2: I think not. Tooth 1: Huh! We meet again. Tooth 2: Have at you! Tooth 1: On guard! Tooth 2: Well shall we bite the tongue then? Tooth 1: On three... one, two.. Stewie: Ah!

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Show me the way to go home, everybody! I'm tired and I want to go to bed, just the women!

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: Honey say hi to Mr. Swanson. Stewie: You will bow to me.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Ahh damnit to the fouls of bloody hell! Lois: Well, the baby's up.

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From Episode:		Mind Over Murder
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: Damn you woman, awake from your damnable revelry. Lois: Honey, I'm doing the dishes. Stewie: Oh, well, a thousand pardons for disrupting your flatware sanitation ritual but you see I�u20acu2122m in searing pain!

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From Episode:		The Son Also Draws
From Season:		1
Quote:		Chris: Do you remember what happened when he tried to sneak me into the county fair? Peter: Uh, one please. Chris: { sneezes } Ticket Seller: Wait a second, your ass just sneezed... and horses can't talk! No no no nothing about this adds up at all!

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From Episode:		The Son Also Draws
From Season:		1
Quote:		Chris: uh dad, what would you say if I told you I don't want to be in the scouts? Peter: I'd say come again? And then I'd laugh because I said come...

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From Episode:		The Son Also Draws
From Season:		1
Quote:		The Fonz: Hey, yo, Griffin! Peter: Huh? The Fonz! The Fonz: Heyyyyy! Peter: What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the middle of a Tuscan-aero sandwich? The Fonz: Yeah, but I'm your spiritual guide see, and I want to lay a little personal truth on ya. Now Mr. C was like a father to me; always listened, you know? And Griffin, right now, your son needs you to listen to him. Woah. Peter: Uh sure, whatever you say, heh, um, Fonzie, something i've always wanted to ask ya... you were with a lot of girls, did you ever get a sexual disease? The Fonz: Herpes twice, and the clap. Heyyy!

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From Episode:		The Son Also Draws
From Season:		1
Quote:		Ralph: Mom, dad, I really like Potsy. Mother: Why not son, Potsy is a very nice boy. Ralph: No mom, I mean I really like Potsy. Dad: We heard you the first time son, you have a homosexual attraction to Potsy.

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From Episode:		The Son Also Draws
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: Now you shouldn't be frightened Stewie, what you saw was actually a very beautiful thing. Stewie: Evidently madam, you and I have a greatly malconception of beauty... what I just witnessed was more ghastly than a thousand gules!

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From Episode:		The Son Also Draws
From Season:		1
Quote:		Lois: Stewie look what Mommy made for dessert! Stewie: Ooo, Jello, how exotic, why I feel like I�u20acu2122m on the deck of the Quie II.

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From Episode:		The Son Also Draws
From Season:		1
Quote:		Stewie: What the hell do you think I�u20acu2122m doing? Lois: Strapping you in honey so you don't get hurt Stewie: So I don't get hurt, that�u20acu2122s the best you can come up with you dull witted termagant? Lois: I brought your happy tape... Stewie: Play wheels on the bus and get the hell out of my sight.

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From Episode:		The Son Also Draws
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Don't take no for an answer Chris, your a Griffin, and a Griffin never knows when to stop. Peter: Clear.... Clear... Man: You've saved my life doctor! Peter: Clear..

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From Episode:		The Son Also Draws
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Oh my God, Brian, there�u20acu2122s a message in my alphabets... it says Ooooo! Brian: Peter those are Cheerios.

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From Episode:		The Son Also Draws
From Season:		1
Quote:		Carrot Top: Look a bow tie!... { sings } ... Look, I'm David Bowie! Wow, Bowderic! Stewie: { shoots Carrot Top } Oh very funny, now tell the one that doesn't suck! Audience: { Applause } Stewie: Oh thank you, thank you, yes, and what's the deal with airline food?

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From Episode:		The Son Also Draws
From Season:		1
Quote:		Father: Speed, I do not think you should be in this race haha, the Mach 5 is not ready haha Speed: But Pops I must be in this race haha! Father Very well uhhh but you know I'm not really your father Speed: Awww.

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From Episode:		The Son Also Draws
From Season:		1
Quote:		Peter: Look Chris, it's a whole family of wasps! Man: My Margaret what a sub-par ham. Margaret: Perhaps I can't bake a ham, but what I can cook up is a little grace and civility at the table. Man: Patty did you know your mother is a whore?

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From Episode:		Peter Peter Caviar Eater
From Season:		2
Quote:		Brian: Money money money.... money!

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From Episode:		Peter Peter Caviar Eater
From Season:		2
Quote:		Tour Guide: And here we have the lounge. Brian: Sweet Mary Mother of God jackpot! Bartender: What can I get you sir, we have 10 varieties of single malt scotch and a wine seller with over 10,000 bottles. Brian: Don't make me beg.

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From Episode:		Peter Peter Caviar Eater
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: You gotta help me Brian teach me how to be a gentleman. Brian: Well, Peter, it's not really that hard... let's start with polite conversation. It's a pleasure to see you again, lovely weather we're having. Now you try. Peter: It's a pleasure to see you again. After Hogan's Hero's, Bob Crane got his skull crushed in by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex. How's that? Brian: Wow, perfect, my work is done, but just for the heck of it let's try again.

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From Episode:		Peter Peter Caviar Eater
From Season:		2
Quote:		Doctor: I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to shock therapy, but your progress has been... well who are we kidding you haven't made any progress. Now the left TV is tuned to Frasier. The right TV has Rickie Lake. If you so much as glace at the right TV I'm giving you 10,000 volts. Peter: [Watches Fraiser] Huh, this is the smartest show on TV. Rickie Lake Show: Yo Rickie that's my girl friend, she aint suppose to be havin no penis. Peter: [Looks at Rickie Lake and is shocked.]

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From Episode:		Peter Peter Caviar Eater
From Season:		2
Quote:		Brian: Peter, when Han Solo took the Millennium Falcon to Cloud City he found Lando Calrizion and turned control of the station to Darth Vader. Lando had forgotten who he was; it was only have Han was encased in carbonate and taken by Bubba Fett to Jabba's palace that he was able to see the error of his ways. Look inside yourself; you're not a Newport millionaire. I created you. In a way, I am your father. Peter: That's not true, that's impossible! Brian: Peter snap out of it! Peter: Noooo! I had the craziest dream that I bough a 100 million dollar vase.

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From Episode:		Peter Peter Caviar Eater
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: Brian what happened to Peter? He's not cramming hor deurves in his mouth or asking anyone to pull his finger... that's not the man I married. Brian: So I guess technically that makes you available.... Lois: What? Brian: Lighten up toots it's a party, hahaha. Hey barkeep it's like the damn Sahara over here, how ya doin honey?

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From Episode:		Peter Peter Caviar Eater
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: Peter, you're back, oh, let's go home. Peter: We can't I sold our home, our beautiful home with the stolen cable and the little man with the penis for the light switch.

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From Episode:		Peter Peter Caviar Eater
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: I don't much care for Stewie's new friends. Friend: Yes, the Pacific Rim economy is still a tad shaky for my taste. Stewie: Oh stop it stop it, look here, you can't become a bloody fiscal hermit crab every time the knee-K undergoes a self correction. Asia's market has no where to go but up. Friend: Interesting. Stewie: Indeed.

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From Episode:		Peter Peter Caviar Eater
From Season:		2
Quote:		Meg: Mom, there is no way I'm sleeping in Chris's room this weekend; it smells like old milk in there! Chris: Hey if I could find it I'd clean it up!

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From Episode:		Peter Peter Caviar Eater
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Hi, uh, my name is towel I have a Peter for you... I mean my name is Peter and I'll be your nipples... TOWEL BOY! Ah jeeze.

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From Episode:		Peter Peter Caviar Eater
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Ah jeeze no no no no please god kill me now no no damn damn crap damnit to hell son of a... Lois: Peter! Peter: Lois sometimes it's appropriate to swear. Police Man: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God? Peter: I do... you bastard.

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From Episode:		Peter Peter Caviar Eater
From Season:		2
Quote:		Stewie: Cut my egg. Servant: Your eggs are cut sir. Stewie: Cut my milk! Servant: I can't sir it's liquid. Stewie: Imbecile! Freeze it then cut it, and if you question me again I'll put you on diaper detail, and I promise I won't make it easy for you.

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From Episode:		Peter Peter Caviar Eater
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: Money doesn't by happiness. Stewie: oh I beg to differ. [Rings Bells] You, bring me the Wall Street Journal... you two, fight to the death!

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From Episode:		Peter Peter Caviar Eater
From Season:		2
Quote:		Stewie: I say, Mother, this hot dog has been on my plate for a full minute and it hasn't yet cut itself. Lois: Honey I'll be right there. Stewie: Oh by all means take your time, and when you do finally get around to it, I'll be the one covered in flies with a belly that protrudes half way to bloody Boston!

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Chris: God's watching me do #2? Oh man, I'm a sinner and God's a pervert.

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: That was a lovely service, Francis. Meg: Super, and only three more hours till school. Chris: I didn't even know there was a 5am mass... I didn't even know there was a 5am. What else haven't you told me?!

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: He just left without saying anything? Where would he go? Peter: I don't know, I just asked him to buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks. Brian: I don't care if he ever gets back... I wasn't being cute, I really hope he's dead.

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Dad, now that you're retired you're coming to stay with us, no more excuses. I'm putting my foot down. [Slams on the Breaks] Jeeze Brian buckle up.

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Hey I just got a crazy idea... Hey I just got another crazy idea.

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Dad, I'm going to eat meat on Fridays, golf on Sundays, laugh at Jewish comedians and yes, sleep with my Protestant wife... but I won't enjoy it, and she hates it.

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Dad loves all of us, he's just too busy working to show it. It's been that way ever since I was a kid. Announcer: And now the winners of the father-son three legged race. First place, Bobby Hammel and his Dad. Second place, Jimmy Lawson and his dad. Third place, Peter Griffin and a stalk of corn.

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: To the Popemobile!

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Guy: Are you sure this is Boston? Peter: Yeah it's Boston, see look there's Harvard. Guy: That's just a barn. Peter: Ooo someone went to Yale.

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter's Father: You're a good women Lois, perhaps you won't burn in hell after all. Maybe you'll just go to Purgatory with all the un-baptized babies. Peter: Hey there ya go Lois, you love kids.

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter's Dad: I just want to say that... but in my eyes, you're a bunch of sinners and slackers that forced a hard-working old man to retire. So you can take this shiny watch and shove it! Stewie: I adore this man!

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Stewie: I love God, he's deliciously evil!

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Stewie: Why does that man drop his club before he runs around? I would bring it with me.

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Stewie: You know, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical you know, petulance here and a plague there. Omnipotence! I gotta get me some of that, hmm?

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Stewie: My my what a thumping good read; Lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to 2 by 4's. I say, you won't find that in Winnie the Pooh. Chris: Ohhh, please don't say poo.

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Diane: Well Tom, the city of Boston is examining its conscious tonight in preparation for a visit from the Pope. Tom: That's right Diane, and I'll tell you what else will be examined... this cock. Yes the Rhode Island Cock society will be sponsoring free check-ups for this years cock awareness week. I don't know why they went with such a suggestive name; they could have just as easily gone with rooster. Diane.

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From Episode:		Holy Crap
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Dad you're retired. Peter's Dad: I'd rather be dead. Guy: Dead? I'll tell you what�u20acu2122s dead. Vaudeville! You know what killed it? The talking pictures, but you can still make it kid you just gotta have a gimmick. I for one am a tumbler, here watch my round off... hey kiddo be a sport, take the pills out of my pocket and put one under my tongue?

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Cleveland: Incase you didn't know, a balloon tied to a mailbox is an international symbol for party over here!

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Chris: oh my God, the government is here! Run ET run! E.T.: [Runs across the living room]

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Victoria Principal: Huh! Bobby... Patrick Duffy: Good morning. Victoria Principal: Oh Bobby I just had the weirdest dream. I dreamt I saw the strangest episode of Family Guy and there was a giant chicken, and Stewie was an octopus! Patrick Duffy: Hey hey come on now, it's alright, everything�u20acu2122s going to be OK.... what's Family Guy?

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: When I think back of all the food we've wasted in this house... Peter: Here Tom Selleck... come on, down the hatch... come on, hey, hey no for you Higgins, trying to steal Tom Sellecks food. No, no! You've had yours.

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Guy: Name something you take on a picnic. Meg: A blanket Brian: Potato salad Chris: Chicken Stewie: A dead Lois? Peter: Ok uhh we're going to go with potato salad Guy: Show me potato salad! Peter: Maybe we should go now...

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: Oh Stewie you're adorable! Stewie: Yes yes I rather like the sash, but do the Huggies make my ass look big?

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Meg: Where we gonna go? Peter: Ah I hear there's a Carvelle factory in Framingham. Chris: Alright, Fudgie the Whale and Cookie Puss, and Cookie O Puss, Nutty the Chocolate Ghost!

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Meg: There's no factory? Stewie: Ahh, oh very good fat man, we've followed the pie pipper of Hamsteak to the gates of oblivion and look what that�u20acu2122s brought us! We're finished, we're done, game over man game over. Ah, damnit!

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Jeeze I haven't been thrown out of anyplace since I was a councilor at the bulimia clinic. Peter: [Flashback] Ah man did anybody else throw up after eating that fish last night?

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Guys we need to make some guns. Cleveland: Guns? Guns only lead to trouble... Peter: Right, and when that trouble happens we'll be ready to blow its freaking head off.

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Everyone leave, I have to poop. NOW!

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Well laugh all you want, but when you die you'll have to go to heaven, and you know what, you know what? I bet you run into those two dead bailiff ladies from Night Court, and you're not going to know which ones which and it's going to be really awkward, so bite me.

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: I'm the one who knew the world was going to end, I'm the one who found the Twinkie factory and started this town, and I'm the one who gave lessons to Rosie Perez. Guy: That's nothing to be proud of. Peter: Don't be stupid, she speak good and everything.

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Salesman: The world is going to end at midnight tonight! Y2K. Peter: Y2K... what are you selling chicken or sex jelly?

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Stewie: Oh dear me yes yes this is how I wanted to enter the new millennium... locked in a basement with imbeciles dressed like a gay Neil Armstrong.

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Brian: Wait a minute, I smell BBQ Tom: So what do you think Diane, can I cook or what? Diane: Delicious Tom, I guess we should be eating her with chopsticks. Brian: Oh my God, they're eating Asian reporter Tricia Takinawa Peter: That's crazy! There just gonna be hungry again in an hour.

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From Episode:		Da Boom
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: Twinkies? Peter: Yeah I saw a story about them on A&E TV: And now back to A&E's biography, Twinkie the kid. Father: It was uh, it was difficult for Twink to play with the other children; he was different, he was definitely... he had no bones, and he couldn't really play any sports. Mother: Yeah, that�u20acu2122s, you know, why we got him the lasso. He'd spend hours in the backyard playing wonder woman. Haha, he's going to kill me. Father: He loved that lasso, no as much as the baton, but uh, we, we put a stop to the baton. He was different enough, you know?

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter knocks on door Chris: Don't come in.... just a minute! Peter: Chris, your mother wants you and me to have a talk. Chris: No! Awww, I was going for a new record.

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Now son, as men, it is only natural for us to look at naked girls. Even Mr. Rogers! Mr. Rogers: Hello neighbor.... oooohhhh!

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Now you can look at naked girls all you want and it's perfectly legal! Chris: Wow, check out the rack on.... Mom?!

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: I'm sorry but I do have a mind of my own and I happen to agree with the schools board decision Peter: Yeah yeah I know you're a feminist and I think that's adorable but this is grown-up time and I'm a man.

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: I'm gonna stop you the only way I can... by killing you! In the race for school board president!

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: Peter since when do you care about the school board? Peter: Lois, Mr. Fargus is getting a bum rap and if running against you is the only way to get him back into the classroom, then I'm going to run like the 6 million dollar man

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Stewie: Oh my, look where my hand is.. I say, look where my hand is! it's in a very naughty place! Does this now disgust you? Brian: Kid you're talking to a guy who uses his tongue for toilet paper.

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Stewie: Look at me, I'm writing profanity on the wall! Brian: Water-soluble.

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Brian: What's a matter, miss your mommy? Stewie: Haha, oh yes, yes that's it, its quite good. Yes I miss my mommy, yes yes I also miss colhlic and rectal thermometry.

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Quagmire: Look at all of Lois' signs, talk about seeing red. Ohh!

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: I didn't enjoy humiliating Peter, but what choice did I have? Brian: That's okay Lois, I enjoyed it.

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: A lot of nasty things have been said during this campaign. But pictures are better than words because some words are big and hard to understand.

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Newscaster: Her husband Peter was elected by a landside. Peter: Oh what a great day, I just want to say, laughs I want to say, laughs I am so freakin' wasted!

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Hey Lois I got a joke for you. how many losers does it take to make me breakfast? Just one, you! haha. I'm just kidding, but French toast please.

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Our schools are the safest around thanks to the hall monitor XLK. XLK: Halt, present hall pass!

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: ..and I've restocked our school library with books of some of our greatest movies and TV shows. Because if we don't teach our kids to read, how will they ever know what's on?

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Hey son show the folks at some what ya got there? porno magazine falls Newscaster: Good lord that's a dirty magazine!

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From Episode:		Running Mates
From Season:		2
Quote:		Guy: My God all these kids are looking at pornography! Newscaster: What kind of pervert gave you kids this filth? Kid: Chris Griffin, he got it from his dad!

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From Episode:
From Season:		2
Quote:		Teacher: That's not the way we play. You sit here Brad, Stewie's it. Stewie: Ooo, are you the one in charge.

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Chris: Oh yeah, what about the time she strangled our other sister? Lois: Now Chris, we told you that was just a very bad dream.

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Principal: Hello Megan, wait a minute, you're not part of the popular clique, you run along and play alone somewhere

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Until I met you Lois, you're my silver metal.

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: And that's my plan principal Shepard. You with me? Principal: But, you didn't tell me anything.

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Principal: I love it, you have the faculty's full support! but how will you pull it off? Peter: You let me worry about that kitten.

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Neil: Hey Meg, what's got 4 arms, 4 legs, and 1 set of lips? You and me at the winter snowball! Heheh..

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Meg: Dad? DAD?! Peter: The reason I'm not responding is because I'm not this 'Dad' person, I'm the new kid in town, Lando Griffin.

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Girl: -b +- radical B squared minus 4AC, over 2A. Teacher: That's correct, a girl answered a math problem. You know what that means? A WITCH!

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Meg: Oh yeah? If I'm such a loser, how come I'm going to the winter snowball with Lando? Peter: Meg, you got a date? Wait till I tell your mother! Who I'm looking forward to meeting... and hope is making steak-umms tonight.

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Meg: And the swore they'd never do toad again! Chris: Dad never came and sang at my school.... I don't want dessert!

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: And today in study hall I farted real loud on purpose, you know to make the guys laugh - and I swear to god it was so hanus Suzy Johnson wrapped up her salisbury steak. Haha.

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: peter how could you do this to Meg? Peter: Not now honey I gotta write a book report on Oliver Twist. Stewie: Yes Oliver Twit if you ask me

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Greg Allman, how did you do it when life got you down? Greg: Me? I did a lot of drugs, married some broad named Sher, and I wouldn't recommend either one of em.

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: Honey, he didn't mean to hurt you, and you know you could still go to the dance. Meg: Alone? Why don't I just tattoo a big L on my forehead while I'm at it.

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Guy: So uhh, Lando, how old did you say you were again? Lando: 17....... and a half Woman: uhh!

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lando: Sweet statutory you look beautiful! Don't worry I'll take good care of your kid. I got a daughter of my own ya know.

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From Episode:		Lets go to the Hop
From Season:		2
Quote:		Newscaster: And in other news, Lando Griffin a popular student at a local high school was killed last night as his motorcycle careened off dead mans curve.

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From Episode:		Dammit, Janet!
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Just my desire to see ya happy Lois: Ohhh! Peter: ...and to exploit your hard labor for free travel and fun. Lois: What? Peter: Shhh

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From Episode:		Dammit, Janet!
From Season:		2
Quote:		Teacher: That's not the way we play. You sit here Brad, Stewie's it. Stewie: Ooo, are you the one in charge.

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From Episode:		Dammit, Janet!
From Season:		2
Quote:		Girl: Cookie? Stewie: No no actually it's Stewie, but well you, you can call me cookie if you like. Yes, I've also been know to answer to Artimus, Agent Buckwald, and Snake!

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From Episode:		Dammit, Janet!
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Hey! Hey, you okay there Mr. Crocodile? Huh? Wake up wake up wake up! Need some lotion Mr. Bad Skin?

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From Episode:		Dammit, Janet!
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Wait wait a second, you're telling me I flew all the way to Kentucky to get some of your fried chicken and the Kernel isn't even working today?

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From Episode:		Dammit, Janet!
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: Peter just pay the man Peter: Do you accept bits of string? Clerk: Sorry, store policy.

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From Episode:		Dammit, Janet!
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Morgan Freeman in Deep Impact? Oh come on, hey hey show me Morgan Fanchild in Deep Something. Huh, huh, huh!

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From Episode:		Dammit, Janet!
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Hey frenchie is my fort ready? Attendant: Yes Mr. Griffin even though no one else has any pillows now. Peter: All right!

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From Episode:		Dammit, Janet!
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: I got a job for ya baby! Right here. See look the zipper's been broke for other a month. I gotta use a damn safety pin.

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From Episode:		Dammit, Janet!
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: His answer's out on the open road. I say we give him a hobo pack on the end of a stick, a can of beans, and a pocket full of dreams. Lois: Peter do you even know which one of our children I'm talking about? Peter: Gordon?

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From Episode:		He's Too Sexy for his Fat
From Season:		2
Quote:		Guard: Alright son I'm gonna need those two hams back Chris: I don't have any hams Guard: Lift up your shirt son Chris: I need an adult! I need an adult! Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that, fatty fat fatty! Hey Tom he's just a fat kid!

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From Episode:		He's Too Sexy for his Fat
From Season:		2
Quote:		Stewie: The world is now under my control! but oh no, I'm naked!

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From Episode:		He's Too Sexy for his Fat
From Season:		2
Quote:		Stewie: Wake up Li-ona, this in creped Hoover Ville is infested with something besides idiots!

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From Episode:		He's Too Sexy for his Fat
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: There's only one thing to do. Learn the language of the flees, earn their trust, and breed with their women. And in time, our differences will be forgotten.

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From Episode:		He's Too Sexy for his Fat
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lemon-aid Seller: But Mister I need real money, I can't take a credit card. Peter: Oh I see cash only, huh huh? No paper trail huh? Whatcha selling? Reefer? Crack? Smack? Horse? X? Shrooms? Dust? Meth? In my neighborhood? I don't think so!

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From Episode:		He's Too Sexy for his Fat
From Season:		2
Quote:		Guard: I'm sorry sir you can't park your van on the diving board Lois: This is my son Guard: Oh, my apologizes. Hey Tom, he's not a van, he's just a fat kid.

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From Episode:		He's Too Sexy for his Fat
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: Although I think... Stewie: Yes yes yes, I got more of it on me than in me. Yes that one never gets old Lois.

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From Episode:		He's Too Sexy for his Fat
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: Dig in. Stewie: I'll eat it when i'm ready. Chris: Hi! Stewie: I'm ready. Well time for dessert isn't it?. Let's see, big chocolate cake for Stewie, and we have something very tasty for big fat you. Bon Appetite!

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From Episode:		He's Too Sexy for his Fat
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: Peter did you get a new buttocks? Peter: I had to, my old one had a crack in it.. heheh

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From Episode:		He's Too Sexy for his Fat
From Season:		2
Quote:		Peter: Hey, when you're beautiful doors magically open for you. Head of Beautiful Club: Actually it opened because you stepped on that black rubber square. Of course if that wasn't there, it would have opened anyway because you're beautiful.

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From Episode:		He's Too Sexy for his Fat
From Season:		2
Quote:		Lois: I've never been more attracted to him. Oh, does that make me a bad person? Brian: Yes, yes it does make you a bad person!

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From Episode:		He's Too Sexy for his Fat
From Season:		2
Quote:		Stewie: Damn you ice cream, come to my mouth. How dare you disobey me!

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